


And so it goes on...

by Xenia_09



Category: She's the Man (2006)
Genre: Confessions, F/F, Feelings Realization, Flirting, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love, Love Confessions, Realization
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xenia_09/pseuds/Xenia_09
Summary: “All I can tell you right now is that I fell in love with a guy who doesn’t exist. I- I’m not in love with you or your brother. I fell in love with the image you created of your brother.”
Relationships: Viola Hastings/Olivia Lennox
Comments: 22
Kudos: 85





	1. She should've known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “All I can tell you right now is that I fell in love with a guy who doesn’t exist. I- I’m not in love with you or your brother. I fell in love with the image you created of your brother.”

She should’ve known. She should’ve known the first time they saw each other, by the way he complemented her shoes and how he said he had to take care of ‘ _some guy stuff’._ She should’ve known by how soft his hands were when they shook them. Or when he admitted that the whole dissecting thing freaks him out. She should’ve known when he said she wasn’t his type. She’s everybody’s type. That’s one of the things she liked about him. He was different from the other boys in her school. He was honest and real with her. He made her feel comfortable and she’d never really felt comfortable around boys. She should’ve known when she kissed him, his lips weren’t as soft as she imagined them to be.

The whole affair during the Cornwall-Illyria game -where Sebastian revealed that he was a girl- had freaked her out. After the game Olivia ran up to Viola to congratulate her and ask for a bit of an explanation, but she waved it off by introducing Olivia to her brother. Olivia went with the flow and walked off with Sebastian. He started talking about his lyrics, since the night before Olivia quoted them to Sebastian after a passionate kiss. After all, the lyrics were what made Olivia like Sebastian, right?

Now here she was in her dorm, laying on her bed, replaying the events of the day in her head. This afternoon she got to know Sebastian. She didn’t feel as comfortable as she was with Viola. But maybe that’s because she only knew him for a couple hours. On the other hand, she felt comfortable with Viola the moment they met. Or maybe that’s because Viola is a girl, and she gets along well with girls. Olivia wondered how she missed every sign of Sebastian being a girl. Did she fall in love with the person who wrote the lyrics, or with Viola. When Olivia was with Sebastian she noticed how different they were and how Viola didn’t actually change her personality. She only talked with a lower voice, talked with a strange accent -which Olivia thought was cute- and dressed like a boy.

There was a soft knock. Not wanting to leave her thoughts, Olivia answered the door. There she stood, Viola Hastings.

“Hi,” she said with a small voice, “we should talk.” The sudden appearance startled Olivia, especially because she didn’t have the time yet to process everything properly.

“Sure, come in.” Olivia turned on one foot and Viola followed her, closing the door behind her. “So what do you want to talk about?” inquired Olivia, holding her breath. Normally when she was together with Seba- Viola, she felt comfortable and at ease. Now she felt tense. She tried her best to act casual, to not make things awkward. She went over to her bed and sat down, watching Viola form her sentences in her mind. Viola looked into Olivia’s eyes and cleared her throat.

“Are you alright? I mean with, with everything going on…” Olivia knew she wasn’t fine, how could she be. Viola lied to her for the past two weeks. Olivia _really_ liked Sebastian.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” she lied, trying to sound as casually as she could, she placed her hands on either side of her.

“Well, I thought with you discovering that I pretended to be Sebastian for so long – I thought you’d feel confused…” Viola stammered, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie over her hands and crossing her arms. She seemed nervous, Olivia started to wonder what Viola wanted her to say.

“Confused? I guess not,” she lied, again. She felt no better then Viola, “earlier on the field I was freaking out though. I’m still processing what happened today…”

“Ah great.” She smiled disappointed. Viola went over to Olivia’s bed and sat next to her. A safe space between them. Viola fixed her eyes on the bed in front of them -Maria’s bed- “It’s just- you remember that time in the bathroom? You told me how you liked Sebastian so much and how you tried to make him jealous by using Duke. I mean, that must’ve meant you really liked Sebastian. I- What I’m trying to say is, except for the lyrics, everything else was me.” Viola glanced at Olivia and noticed the confused look on her face and began to hesitate. “I thought … I thought you’d be confused because you fell in love with me not, not Sebastian… well, my brother.”

“In love with you…” Oliva whispered. She averted her eyes to the bed in front of them, trying to ignore Viola watching her attentive. Normally she liked being studied by the pretended Sebastian, but not now. She didn’t want her body to give away to much of what she felt. She hoped Viola didn’t hear her heart bouncing in her chest. She thought she just fell in love with the person who wrote the lyrics. Viola could be right, she could have fallen in love with her. But Olivia knew she needed time to figure out how she feels and what she wants. “All I can tell you right now is that I fell in love with a guy who doesn’t exist. I- I’m not in love with you or your brother. I fell in love with the image you created of your brother.” _I think._ But she didn’t say that out loud. She didn’t want to come over as a sensitive, naïve girl who falls in love so quick. But she was.

Olivia glanced at Viola and saw her pondering what Olivia just said. She opened her mouth to say something but no words came out. She kept thinking. Olivia guessed her brain must be so knotted by now.

“Are… you confused, Viola?” Olivia asked. She placed her head in her hand, looking at Viola. She noticed the adorable frown on her face. NO, no, now was not the time to notice the way she pursed her soft lips together when she was thinking. How she could have tasted her lips instead of Sebastian’s.

“Not really,” Viola stated. She locked her green eyes with Olivia’s. Olivia saw a muscle in her forehead twitch, which meant she was hiding something. She had observed ‘Sebastian’ so much. What more could she possibly be hiding… “Though I have to admit,” her voice cracked, she cleared her throat and continued, “When you told me why you liked Sebastian, I was flattered… like a lot.”

“Speaking of that moment in the bathroom,” Olivia remarked matter-of-factly, “Why didn’t you tell me then? Or even mention he was your brother?” Viola was taken aback by the question.

“I have no idea, why didn’t I think of it then? Would’ve spared us from awkward situations,” she acknowledged more to herself then to Olivia. “To be honest, that was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t date Duke?”

“Why,” Olivia chuckled, “so you could keep him for yourself?”

“No, not because I wanted _him…”_

“Ow I see…” Olivia stammered, straightening her back. She didn’t dare to look into Viola’s eyes, frightened she could look right into her soul. “Then why would you do that?” She could feel her blood rushing to her cheeks. She couldn’t stand her body showing how sensitive she actually was. Fortunately Viola was to busy trying to find the right answer and didn’t notice her flushed cheeks. Viola turned to Olivia, raising one leg up on Olivia’s bed. Now she faced Olivia directly. Squinting her eyes at Olivia.

“Can I be completely honest?”

“I’d prefer that.” Olivia uttered. Viola was looking for the right words to say.

“You see, the thing is… When I came to this school and I met you … – you know? – I thought Duke and I could be… and then you were… an-” Viola mumbled.

“Ow, hold on.” Viola looked up, eyebrows furrowed. Olivia placed her hand on Viola’s wrist. An attempt to make Viola’s mind come to ease. “Take a breath and start over, I don’t understand a thing you’re saying.” Viola looked away, scratching the back of her head. She didn't shake off Olivia’s hand, Olivia could feel the muscles in her hand loosen.

“Yeah you’re right, I’m sorry…”

“Okay, go on.”

Viola took a deep breath and started over, “At first I had a crush on Duke, so I wanted to make sure I didn’t have any competition. Since you’re so amazing and he’s head over heels in love with you. The thing is… I started to notice how you acted around me and I thought it was kinda cute -and sexy- you know? The way you smiled at me, your laugh is so … and the way you put your hair behind your ear, or the way you said my- well Sebastian’s name. You- I…” Viola leaned slightly forward, locking her jade green eyes with Olivia’s and placed her hand on top of Olivia’s. She felt a tingle in her spine and averted her eyes to Viola’s nose.

“I just can’t wrap my mind around how amazing you are…” Olivia couldn’t believe it. Viola, in love with her? She pulled her hand away slowly. She didn’t want to leave her warm soft hands but she needed room to think. She examined Viola, who studied her own hands. She looked troubled and Olivia knew she was torturing her by not saying anything. She still had to find a proper answer.

"You have to know I’m still a bit mad at you for lying to me-” she said, looking at the floor, putting her hair behind her ear.

“Everything I said was the real me,” Viola protested, “I tried to tell you so many times, but I didn’t want to lose you. I had to wait till after the match, I had to prove a girl could play in a boys soccer team. I never meant to hurt you. You weren’t even part of the plan, and yet here I am. Confessing my feelings for you, hoping you feel the same way…” Olivia didn’t know what to say, she looked into Viola’s desperate eyes and sighed.

“I- I’m sorry … I can’t give you an answer right away…” Viola reached out her hand and brushed a strand of hair behind Olivia’s ear. Olivia could feel her hair in her neck standing up.

“I understand,” she said softly, “I just need to know if I’d waste my time waiting or if you could ever fall for me. ‘Cuz trust me, I’d wait.”

“I need time…” Viola sat up straight, studying her shoelaces. It broke Olivia’s heart to see her so unsure.

“I should go.” Viola said standing up. She didn’t even look Olivia in the eyes. Olivia knew she wasn’t mad but disappointed. Maybe she was mad, she had every right to be mad. Olivia hated herself for not knowing what she wanted. For dragging Viola in her own insecurities, for dragging her into her messed up life of not knowing. But Olivia couldn’t say what Viola wanted to hear. Not yet.

Olivia led Viola to the door. She opened the door and rubbed her temple. “I’ll see you on Monday?”

“Yeah see you then…”

* * *

The next days passed in a haze. Olivia had told herself not to avoid Viola, but she did unconsciously. She noticed when she hid herself in the crowd in the hallway, she noticed when she grabbed Maria’s arm and dragged her to another table in the cafeteria. Olivia tried to be with Maria as much as possible, she could make her temporarily forget what went on. But every single moment Olivia found herself alone with her thoughts it was hard to leave them. She was absent minded a lot and Maria started to worry about her.

When Olivia and Viola were together in the lab, teamwork didn’t go as smooth as it did before. Viola acted the way she had when she pretended to be Sebastian, which made Olivia feel a bit more comfortable. She tried to make it fun by making jokes and they worked… for a bit. Olivia, still tense, flinched every time Viola came closer to look what Olivia had written down and casually brushed her arm. Olivia remarked that what Viola said, was actually true. The Sebastian she knew and Viola were exactly the same people. Only now she had long locks of brown hair put up in a pony tail, it suited her. She looked different yet the same. 

That night Olivia caught herself lost in thoughts again. Luckily Maria wanted to study in the library so Olivia was alone in her room, alone with her thoughts. She could think what she wanted to think and what she wouldn’t dare thinking if there was someone with her. She let her mind wander. From the first time she met Viola till the Saturday night confessed her feelings for Olivia. The only thing Olivia knew is that she didn’t like the ‘real’ Sebastian. She didn’t feel as comfortable as with Viola, she couldn’t talk as easy with him. She thought the lyrics would say it all about him, but he wasn’t as sweet and attentive as she believed him to be. He was passionate about his music, but Olivia had to admit that she wasn’t as interested as he was. Their interests simply didn’t align.

Viola on the other hand was attentive. When she was with Olivia, she made Olivia feel like she really wanted to be there, with her. Viola noticed everything, she recognized her fake smiles or just a slight change of tone in her voice when Olivia tried to hide something. So what if she’s a girl right? It’s quite superficial to choose to love a person based and gender and not personality.

“I need to talk to her.”

* * *

The next morning Olivia woke up telling herself she _had_ to talk to Viola. It’s Wednesday so she’ll have soccer practice. She decided she’d meet Viola after soccer practice. She remembered when it ended since she always watched Sebastian train. But her classes ended at noon and she had to find something to do so she could her mind at rest for at least two hours.

That afternoon she found herself jogging on the schoolgrounds. Jogging made her feel light, and with the music in her ears she felt like she could leave the world for a moment.

When she got back to her dorm she was drained in sweat and her face was flushed. She could feel her cheeks getting hot. Olivia took a shower before going to the soccer field. She combed her hair, put on new make-up, and picked a casual outfit.

She went over to the soccer field but was surprised when she found the field was empty. Normally practice lasted another half hour. Just her luck. When she needed Viola, she wasn’t in her usual spot. Where could she be then? Agitated she plopped herself down the nearest bench she could find. Wiggling her legs, getting flustered about what she had to do now. She grabbed her cellphone and started typing a text for Viola, but deleted everything. Olivia felt stupid, why didn’t she ask Viola to meet up? Why did she want to come unannounced.

She needed to speak with Viola right now. She vaguely remembered where Viola moved after the game and started walking to her dorm. She tried to knock the door Viola had told her she moved to but Olivia couldn’t. She leaned her head against the hallway wall. How come she felt so much at the same time… Nervous, unsure, agitated, desperate, excited… She pounded her head against the wall, trying to make her thoughts and feelings leave. “Stupid head, coward,” She told herself, “no you’re not a coward, you’re here… all you need to do is knock on the stupid doo-”

She heard someone clear her throat. “You okay there?” Not someone, Viola. Olivia turned her head to the voice. Viola was leaning against her doorpost, smiling at Olivia. Her hair was wet so she must’ve just showered. Olivia felt her blood rush to her head. She straightened herself and walked to Viola.

“Yeah I’m okay now,” Olivia stammered, “How long have you been standing there?”

“Well I have to admit you have a strange way of knocking,” Viola teased, “But when you started talking to yourself, I correct myself, when you started insulting yourself I thought I’d step in…”

“Thanks for pulling me out of my misery,” Olivia joked. They looked at each other and laughed. It had been a while Olivia felt this comfortable. This moment confirmed Olivia why she liked Viola that much. She felt like she could be her true self, without thinking how she should act and react. Viola didn’t expect anything from Olivia, and that was refreshing.

“You want to go for a walk?”

“Yeah sure, I’ll just grab a jacket and then we’re off.” Olivia waited outside and heard Viola tell her roommate she was going out for a while. She exited her room with a nervous smile and said, “Lead the way.”

When they left the building they went to the park near the school. They walked at a slow pace, their shoulders casually brushing against each other.

“How come practice was over so early?” Olivia asked.

“Well, coach Dinklage let us go early because we won the game Saturday.”

“Yeah you played really well…The game was entertaining too,” she joked.

“Well yeah, when you add the right amount of nudity it should suffice to entertain.” They both laughed, Olivia bumped her shoulder teasingly into Viola’s.

“I’m sorry I kept you waiting for an answer… but it’s because of moments like this I gave in to my feelings,” Olivia said indulgently, “I was afraid… What for? I don’t know. Maybe to get hurt, this is something completely new for me and you’re the first girl I’ll be with. So can we take it slow please? If you’ll still take me… ” Olivia stopped and turned to Viola. She saw Viola’s eyes sparkle, those damned green eyes. Viola pulled Olivia into a hug.

“Yeah sure,” she whispered in Olivia’s ear. A tingle went through Olivia’s spine and she wrapped her arms around Viola. Viola pulled back and pressed her forehead against Olivia’s, she cupped Olivia’s head in her hands, “Like I said before, I can wait. I’ll be patient with you.” Viola looked her in the eye, bit her lip and let Olivia go. No kiss? Olivia felt the warmth leaving and didn’t want that. Viola turned around to start walking again. Olivia just stood there, flushed, heart dancing in her chest. She felt frustrated, she didn’t like it when Viola left her speechless.

Viola stopped walking when she noticed Olivia wasn’t following and turned around. “Everything okay there?” Olivia grabbed Viola’s wrist and pulled her closer. The sudden movement almost made Viola trip over her feet. Olivia grabbed Viola’s collar and kissed Viola. More like a brushing, a hesitant kiss. Viola had frozen still and didn’t move, she didn’t even kiss her back. Olivia wanted to pull back but felt a hand sliding in her neck and pulling her head closer until her lips met Viola’s again. Olivia’s heart skipped a beat. _This_ was the kiss she imagined. Gently and soft. Olivia her arms had a will of their own and they skimmed into Viola’s neck. Entangling her fingers into Viola’s wet hair. Olivia felt Viola’s other arm wrap around her waist and pull her even closer. Olivia could here a soft moan as she pulled herself closer to Viola. It felt as if their bodies melted together. Olivia felt Viola’s hands starting to wander her body. She pulled away from the kiss and pressed her forehead against Viola’s. She studied Viola, she was breathing heavily and her eyes were still closed.

“We have to take it slow,” Olivia said out of breath. Viola opened her eyes and looked into Olivia’s. She could feel Viola’s hot breath on her swollen lips.

“You’re right I’m sorry,” Viola breathed. Olivia let her hand down slowly, tracing Viola’s arm. When she reached her hand she intertwined her fingers with Viola’s. She pulled out from the warm embrace and took a step back. She could feel Viola was a bit disappointed. She walked on slowly.

“We’ll save the rest for later,” she teased. Viola looked up and Olivia winked. She could see how her blood rushed to her cheeks. Olivia smirked and turned around, dragging Viola with her.

They walked into the night, talking about everything and nothing. Olivia was so happy, she wished this moment could last forever.


	2. Forgotten room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I know it's difficult, presenting yourself as someone who you're not with someone you barely or don't have any connection with..."

“Where have you been?! I’ve been calling and texting, no response...” Maria said worriedly, hurrying to Olivia who just entered their dorm. Olivia couldn’t care less, she just spend the whole evening with Viola. It was amazing. She could feel her cheeks where still a bit flushed from the goodnight kiss Viola had given her before she left.

“My cellphone must've been in silent mode, I didn’t notice anything,” Olivia stated, she walked to her desk to put her things down. She replayed the kiss in her head, feeling Viola’s warm lips on hers, feeling how they send chills through her spine.

“You could’ve let me know you were out or somethi-,” Maria looked at Olivia, a wide grin appeared on her face, “wait a minute! You’re biting your lip, your cheeks are flushed... Olivia! Who were you with?” Maria gasped. Olivia could feel heat rising in her cheeks. “Olivia,” Maria repeated more earnest, “Who. Were. You. With.”

“Fine, I was with Viola,” Olivia admitted, smiling brightly.

“Finally,” Maria sighed, plopping down in her bureau chair. Olivia followed Maria with wide eyes.

“F-finally?” Olivia asked. She frowned at Maria.

“O, Olivia, don’t look at me like that. You think I’m blind?” Maria chuckled.

“You knew? You knew al along?” Olivia couldn’t believe it.

“Well yeah kinda, it’s no surprise. I know how _I_ would feel if I found out my crush was a crossdressing girl.” Olivia leaned against her desk. Of course Maria knew. Olivia was so stuck in her own mind she didn’t think others would notice.

“But why didn’t you ask me about it?”

“I know you, you’d just deny everything. I figured you’d talk about it when you were ready to do so.” She smiled at Olivia. Olivia knew she was right. She wouldn’t have revealed anything about her true feelings. “Soooo, what are you now?” Maria asked excited, tapping her hands on her knees. Her eyes sparkled so brightly Olivia couldn’t help but smile.

“I have no idea what we are,” she phrased. She went over to her own bed and sat across Maria, “But we are definitely something.” She remembered how soft and warm Viola’s hands felt in Olivia’s hand. The thought gave her goosebumps. She pulled her sleeves over her wrists to hide it from Maria.

"So nothing is sure at the moment?" She said concerned.

"Not yet," Olivia assured, "so we decided to keep it quiet for now, don't tell anyone alright?" she added.

"Nope nope, my lips are sealed." Maria promised. Olivia trusted Maria and let it slide. She went into the bathroom to splash water in her face, to make sure this amazing evening wasn’t a dream. It felt like one for sure.

She started overthinking things, like she did usually. She imagined them together just a random afternoon, where they’d study for the finals. Or at least try because Viola doesn’t like to study and she’d try to distract Olivia. And if Viola would study, it would be Olivia’s hands, or the way Olivia wrote and hold her pen.

She imagined them taking a walk in the park midwinter. Snow crunching beneath their feet, the early evenings and the warm light of the park lanterns. Olivia would put her hand into Viola’s pocket to keep it warm. Their breaths forming clouds in the air. She imagined how Viola her nose and cheeks would be reddish and no matter how cold it would be, her kisses would warm Olivia’s inner core.

She imagined them going to the 38th debutante ba-

Ow shit the debutante ball, it’s this Saturday. Her parents can’t find out about Olivia and Viola. Worries filled her head. Who was she going to go with? She still wanted to keep their relationship -or whatever they had- a secret. She looked at herself in the mirror and could see the concern, the fear in her own eyes. She put her hands in her hair, what could she do? Maybe she could go with Sebastian and Vio- no she didn’t want anyone else beside her who wasn’t Viola. But then her parents would know, and she’d get kicked out of the house for sure. Her mother would be so ashamed, she couldn’t bare thinking of hurting her mother. Stupid junior league and high society standards. Viola’s parents would just accept it. They weren’t even mad when they found out their son was in London for two weeks without them knowing, they weren’t mad when they found out Viola was pretending to be her brother for two whole weeks. They seemed so nice. Olivia wished for a brief moment she had parents like that. NO she couldn’t wish that, she should be grateful. Her parents only want the best for her, even though it’s what _they_ think is best.

Olivia wanted to text Viola, she knew Viola could put her mind at ease. But Olivia didn’t text her, why would she bother her with such small things? They just had this amazing evening, who knew where it would take them.

“Breath in and breath out,” she whispered to herself. She put on her pajamas and went back in the dorm. Maria was on her bed on her belly, tapping on her cellphone. Probably playing snake, she was addicted to the game.

“Goodnight Maria,” Olivia said sighed, pulling her blankets over her.

“Yeah, goodnight.” Maria said softly.

* * *

She was absentminded during the lessons. She hadn’t seen Viola yet and her mind was still stuck on the matter of the 38th debutante ball.

Olivia was putting her books in her locker when she suddenly felt a hand grab her wrist. It pulled her away from her locker, and her thoughts. She was just in time to slam it shut and stumbled on her feet, following a brunette girl. She was pushing away people making a way to the staircase. Olivia gladly followed. She was excited and curious about where Viola would take her. The warmth of Viola’s hand warmed Olivia’s stomach. Viola jerked open a door and dragged Olivia inside. When they were inside Viola let go of Olivia. Viola went over to a an old dusty table, grabbed a chair that was stacked on it, and sat down. Olivia took the chance to take in the room. Shelves were filled with old books, old video tapes, some forgotten trophies of old soccer games, televisions covered with white blankets. It looked like an old classroom, now used as a storage room.

“Come sit with me,” Viola asked softly. She wiped the table clean with her arm and grabbed a chair for Olivia, who went and sit next to Viola. “I had to see you, talk to you privately.” 

“Very privately indeed, how do you know about this room? You’re new here…”

“Well you know me, wandering around the school grounds. Looking for secrets,” Viola chuckled.

“It payed of, this room was a secret to me,” Olivia agreed. “What did you want to tell me?”

“O uh, nothing special, you know. I just wanted to see you,” Viola must’ve read the confusion off Olivia’s face. “Look I know you wanted to keep it a secret and I knew that if I’d see you I- you know I’m a clutz right? So I’d give it away immediately I think.”

“So you _were_ avoiding me,” Olivia chuckled, “You’re right, you’d give it away immediately. With that look on your face when you see me. You’ll have to practice on that.”

“Well I can’t help it, you’re so darn beautiful- and that kiss last night, I can’t get it out of my mind,” she whispered. She glanced at Olivia’s lips, and bit them. Olivia’s lips were aching to be pressed against Viola’s again. To feel her body tingle, to feel their bodies melt together. “Maybe you should start wearing a paper bag over your head. Then I wouldn’t see your cute smile and your beautiful eyes.”

“A paper bag? Maybe I could just come to school looking like I just woke up,” Olivia joked.

“Wouldn’t work though, I’m pretty sure it’ll look sexy and _that_ would distract me even more.”

“O well, paper bag will have to do.”

“Actually, it’d help if you also wore sunglasses… your eyes are _way_ to beautiful. It still freaks me out sometimes,” the last bit was more an acknowledgement to herself then to Olivia.

"I also have something I'd like to get of my mind..." Olivia saw panic in Viola's eyes and put her hand reassuring on Viola's knee and felt her muscles loosen at her touch. Olivia knew that now would be the right time to discuss the ball, since there's only three days left to find a solution.

"Alright, what seems to be troubling thy precious mind?" Viola asked carefully. Her eyebrows were still knitted together, and her eyes were filled with concern.

"Kind of you to ask, tis the 38th debutante ba-"

"The Ball! Crap, I totally forgot about that!”

"I don't know who we’re going to go with." Viola frowned at Olivia.

“Why can’t we go together?” Viola asked cautiously.

“Because, I want to take the time to tell my parents about us. It’ll be a shock for them,” Olivia explained, “we also decided to keep it a secret since I’m new to all this.”

"We _did_ decide to keep it a secret for now... I can, you know, dress as Sebastian again an-"

"No,” Olivia protested, “I only want you next to me, if it's the real you.”

"Well, you could go with my brother?"

"Uh.. I think I'll pass, it'd only confuse him..."

"How about we take two random soccer players?" Viola suggested.

"Someone I don't know? No thank you..."

"What if you go with Paul and I go with my brother?"

"Who's Paul?"

"He's my best friend... and he's gay," she added quickly.

"I might be up for that plan, but still..."

"Woman, you're being difficult."

Olivia sighed, "I know." Viola looked at her attentive, trying to read of her face what was going on in her mind.

"I know it's difficult, presenting yourself as someone who you're not with someone you barely or don't have any connection with..." Viola studied Olivia’s hand. She circled her thumb on Olivia’s soothingly, slowly tracing the bones she felt. It soothed her but also made her heart race. 

“I’ll think about it, we’ll figure this out somehow...”

“I know we will,’ Viola agreed, but she still looked puzzled. Olivia wanted to know what was going on in her mind, she wanted to know if Viola could really understand Olivia. Her eyes wandered to Viola’s lips again. Tingling the memories of her own lips, the memory of the warmth and the gentleness.

“Olivia you alright there?” Viola said grinning. Olivia pulled herself from the trance.

“Yeah...” she said staring at Viola’s lips. She suddenly had the need to feel Viola’s warm lips against hers.

“Just checking since your grip on my knee has tightened...”

“O no, I’m sorry. I don’t- I didn’t mean-” She could feel her cheeks get flushed and immediately wanted to remove her hand from Viola’s knee but Viola grabbed stopped her and pulled it closer to her face.

“I don’t mind, I just wanted to mention it,” she breathed against Olivia’s hand and she gave it a kiss. Olivia reached her hand to Viola’s hair and brushing a strand after her ear. Her hand skimmed to her neck and pulled Viola’s head closer to hers. Olivia leaned forward and their lips met. A soft hand touched her cheekbone, sliding to her chin and cupping it between her thumb and index finger, making her lips part. The gentle touch during their intense kiss sent shivers down her spine.

The school bell chimed and Olivia jerked back to reality. She could here how the hallway was filled with students going back to their classes, locker doors being slammed shut. She pulled away from the kiss and pushed Viola back softly.

“We should go,” Olivia said softly, not wanting to leave this room. Not wanting whatever was going on to stop. Olivia found Viola’s hand still cupping her chin. Viola looked at Olivia’s with a kind of look Olivia couldn’t put a name on. It was longing, hungry, full desire. It made Olivia feel wanted and she liked it when Viola madeher feel wanted.

“Yeah we should,” Viola whispered, softly tracing her thumb on Olivia’s lips. Olivia softly grabbed her hand and pulled it away from her face. Viola let Olivia guide her hand and Olivia placed it on Viola’s thigh, stood up and grabbed her bag.

“We really should get going,” she said more serious. If she’d let Viola brush her lips with the warmth of her thumb, she wouldn’t be able to pull herself from this moment. She’d be stuck in it for the rest of the day and that couldn’t happen because she still had to come up with a solution. Viola reluctantly took her stuff and followed Olivia to the door. She turned the knob to open but was abruptly stopped by Viola’s swift hand pushing it shut again. The slight different in height made Viola tower over Olivia. Knob in her hand Olivia looked at the arm next to her shoulder. Olivia felt the warmth of Viola coming closer. Viola brushed Olivia’s hair over her shoulder and put her cheek next to her ear.

“We’ll figure this out somehow, I promise.” she whispered while replacing her hand on Olivia’s. Turning the knob in her place and opening the door. She kissed Olivia on the cheek and left the room. Again leaving Olivia speechless. Olivia felt her hairs in her neck stood up when Viola whispered in her ear. She could feel the remains of Viola’s hand on hers. She could still feel the warmth that suddenly left her. Gathering her mind together she went to her next class.

She didn’t really pay attention and had often found herself daydreaming about the kiss and what happened in the storage room. She was conflicted with herself. It felt like what they shared was so surreal for her. But as soon as she heard the bell chime; she was brought back to reality, back to her responsibilities, back to her thoughts and worries. Was she using Viola as an escape from the world? She’d been so cold by insisting they had to go to class. Viola must’ve been disappointed, again. Maybe Viola knew that Olivia was still warming up to having a relationship with her, or that she still needed time how to combine their so different lifestyles and characters. Well it’d only been the second day so it’s quite normal.

Viola had taken the first step by confessing her feelings to her, and today it was Viola who dragged Olivia to a private room. Olivia wanted to take matters in her own hands and decided she should take initiative for something.

_Olivia: Hi there, I’m going for a run first thing tomorrow. Care to join?_

_Viola: What time did you have in mind?_

_Olivia: I was thinking 6.30am?_

_Viola: WOMAN that’s early, how about 7?_

_Olivia: Haha, alright 7 sounds perfect. Do we meet at the entrance of the park?_

_Viola: Yup, I’ll see you then!_

_Olivia: See you then_ _😉_

She was used of jogging alone but she wanted to get rid of her normal habits. Now Viola was there to help her figure out who she really was.

Olivia still had the matter of the 38th debutante ball to think of. She could just go alone. She didn’t have to be escorted by someone, though it would be nice. What still troubled her mind was how she was going to tell her parents. Maybe she could take it slow, warm her parents up to Viola by inviting her over more often. Or maybe she could just invite Viola over for dinner and then throw everything at them. Maybe it’s for the best she first told her father, he understood her best. He knew what kind of pressure her mother put on her, he’d felt it too. He loved her so much, he endured everything; her mother’s extreme sense of tidiness, how she wanted to present her family to others… .

Sometimes Olivia was afraid she would look to much like her mother, she was afraid to be boring, she was afraid she was settling. She was fine with how things were, she was comfortable, but was that what she wanted? She knew there was a whole world out there to explore, so many experiences she had to have. Maybe Viola could help her get out of her comfort zone.

Maybe?

No Olivia was sure Viola was the person to do so and she couldn't wait to get started.


	3. Storm of thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wow really? You know, if you don’t want to talk about it just say so. Don’t lie to me by telling everything is fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, just another chapter... enjoy.

The fresh morning wind made Olivia’s ponytail softly dance. The birds were singing and the dewdrops were still clinging onto the grass. Olivia had found her a bench where she would wait for Viola.

 _6:55_ her watch read. She was a bit early. “ _A lady is never to late.”_ She could hear her mother’s voice her head - something her mother had hammered into her mind and into her habits.

She felt a bit chilly, she was only wearing her Illyria-shorts, a light T-shirt and a zipped hoodie. All she heard was the rustle of leaves and a gentle breeze whispering her ears. No one was awake yet. She caught herself staring towards the dorms again, hoping she’d see a tired yet excited Viola walking her way.

 _6:58._ Olivia didn’t like waiting, time goes by so slow. If there was going to be a next time, she would come a bit later. She felt goosebumps rise as a chilly wind brushed against her legs. She wrapped her arms over her chest to keep the last warmth she felt from escaping.

 _7:01._ She better not be to late. Knowing Viola, she might. She caught herself staring at the dorms again, she didn’t spot any brunette walking. Could she have forgotten? No way Viola would forget a morning date with Olivia. She knew Viola would do anything to be with Olivia privately. Maybe Olivia should have texted Viola beforehand, just to be safe.

 _7:05._ Was this going to be the first time Olivia would get stood up? She hoped not. No Viola wouldn’t stand her up. But _if_ she did, Olivia knew she wouldn’t forgive herself. _Just be patient._

 _7:07._ She decided she’d run off when it was a quarter past seven. She still needed time to get ready for school. She started doubting Viola’s punctuality. Olivia knew it was a mess in Viola’s head, she always had a thousand things on her mind. With that in her hind head, she thought it was still worth the wait. _If_ she’d arrive.

 _7:13._ Still no sight of Viola. Olivia was getting really cold and started pacing in front of the bench. A stretch would do good, she thought. She did her regular stretches and time went a bit faster. But was that a good thing?

 _7:18._ O well she could still wait two minutes more. She was warmed up now. Viola must’ve overslept her. Olivia tried to stay hopeful, but she could feel disappointment creep up her chest. She paced again, her hands in her sides. Convincing herself Viola could still show up. If she told it herself enough, eventually she would start to believe it.

 _7:20._ Olivia felt tears well up in her eyes. Her feet started moving and she found herself running. She ran hard, feeling the fresh cold wind burning in her lungs. She wanted to run away from the embarrassment and wanted to clear her mind. She breathed in and out slowly, with the rhythm of her feet. She just ran, her feet knew her usual route. It was as if her brain locked out her surroundings, she couldn’t hear anything and she felt numb to the burning in her lungs.

* * *

“-Olivia!” Maria whisper-shouted as she nudged her. Olivia was pulled back to her seat in class.

“Wh- what is it?” Olivia stammered. She frowned at Maria.

“You’ve been acting weird, are you even in there?”

“Yes I am, I’m sorry. I just got lost in my mind.”

“Well yeah, obviously. What’s going on? Is it Viola?” Maria could be so blunt sometimes. That’s one of the things she loved about her. Olivia wanted to avoid talking about what happened that morning so she lied.

“No, everything is fine,” Olivia said bold, averting her eyes to the blackboard and she started copying what was on the board. Not really knowing what she was doing or what it was all about. She just wanted to make clear to Maria the conversation was over and she didn’t feel like talking about it. She still felt Maria’s eyes studying Olivia so she glanced over at her.

“Wow really? You know, if you don’t want to talk about it just say so. Don’t lie to me by telling everything is fine.” Olivia didn’t know what to say. Maria was right, why was Olivia lying to her?

“Just talk to me when you’re ready and when you feel like it.”

“Thanks Maria,” Olivia was so lucky to have a friend like Maria. It might sound cliché, but she _was_ really lucky. Olivia needed a friend who wasn’t just friendly with her, but also had the courage to tell her the truth even if it’d hurt. It’s not like they complemented each other. Maria could do or say things that Olivia envied her for, but it’s not like it got in the way of their friendship.

Olivia started to doubt whatever was going on between Viola and her. Her brain was a mess of mixed feelings. She knew it was only the third day since she confessed her feelings to Viola, but she didn’t like how it was going for now. She was stood up this morning and the matter of the 38th debutante ball, and the feeling of Viola not being that interested in her. She hoped Viola knew how important it was for Olivia, that Viola understood the pressure she was under. But maybe she was overthinking things again. It’s not that it’d be a problem to go alone to the debutante ball, it’s just no fun. And she’d have to hear from her mom for days that it was a shame she didn’t find a date.

Olivia thought about how she could trip before going on stage and how the audience would laugh, or how she would accidently rub her mascara and she’d look like a raccoon. Or what if she got mascara on her dress, that’s not easy to wash out.

 _Get a grip Olivia,_ she told herself, _it won’t be that bad… You’re a strong independent woman._ She now started to write notes in her head for how she should act around Viola that evening; don’t stare at her lips, laugh casually, don’t start to blush around her, don’t flirt with her, and so it went on. A thought jumped in her head, she was mad at Viola.

She hadn’t seen Viola yet and she wasn’t sure she wanted to. She knew Viola would be very understanding and she’d acknowledge that she’s an idiot. She’d be so adorably nervous, she’d want to hug her, hold her hand. She’d lock her eyes with Olivia’s eyes, making sure Olivia noticed how she was also disappointed in herself. She’d take Olivia’s hand and would warm her whole body, she’d make Olivia’s body ache for the warmth of Viola’s. And it’d work, Olivia would forget why she was even mad. But Olivia knew she had to tell her how she felt this morning, she didn’t just want to let this slide.

At lunchtime Olivia quickly put her things in her locker and told Maria she was meeting with Viola. Olivia scanned the crowd and spotted the brunette. She started towards her. She squeezed herself through the crowd, occasionally apologizing for elbowing someone or stepping on someone’s foot. When she was nearly there, she got excited and forgot to pay attention and tripped over someone’s foot. She bumped into Viola’s back and the brunette turned around, she grabbed Olivia’s arms tightly and helped her steady herself. Olivia looked up and saw a smirk appear on Viola’s face.

“I guess you just fell for me…” Olivia felt blood rush to her cheeks, and shook off Viola’s hands. _Keep it cool._

“We need to talk,” she said serious, “Somewhere private.” She ignored the instant fear she saw in Viola’s eyes and started towards the exit to go outside. She didn’t look back to see if Viola was following. Olivia _knew_ she’d follow. Once outside she took a deep breath, taking in the fresh air and she walked towards the soccer field, where she knew they could not be seen by prying eyes. Viola caught up to her and tried to stop her by grabbing her arm.

“I think we’re far enough…,” she said looking around to see if anyone was there, “What is going on?” She looked into Olivia’s eye, trying to read of her face what was going on in her head.

“I need to sit.” Olivia said coldly. She turned around and walked to the first row of the bleachers.

“All right? You’re starting to scare me… is everything all right?”

“Well let me think, have you forgotten something?” She said, crossing her arms and squinting her eyes at Viola. She wanted to show Viola the disappointment she’d felt. Viola frowned and her eyes were filled with confusion and unease, but she acted otherwise.

“Er, if I have forgotten it I couldn’t possibly remember it right now…” she said matter-of-factly while sitting down next to Olivia.

“O don’t get smart with me,” Olivia said standing up, “We were… going…to…,” she spoke slowly, leaving enough space between her words to let Viola fill in the blanks. But she didn’t.

“Viola, use your head – or whatever is in there-, we were going to go jogging this morning.” Olivia could see how it hit Viola. She covered her mouth and stood up, walking over to Olivia.

“Shit I’m so- I completely forgo- I- Crap!” She tried to grab Olivia’s hand, but Olivia pulled hers away.

“Please don’t,” she said while sitting back down, “You know I’m really falling for you don’t you?” She put her arms protective on her chest. Viola unconsciously imitated Olivia and plopped herself next to the blonde. Olivia could feel a knot in her stomach loosen, it felt comforting this time.

“It may not seem like a big deal but to me - I like to jog that early because I like to see how the college grounds wake up. It’s special to me and I wanted to share that moment with you.”

“I’m mad at myself for forgetting,” she said slapping her face.

“Yesterday,” Olivia continued, stopping Viola from hitting herself again, “You made me feel wanted- that moment we shared in the storage room. I thought that meant you were really interested in me and that led me to inviting you. But then you didn’t show up and that made me feel very insecure.”

“I _am_ really interested in you,” she protested, “Look, I know you know my head’s a mess. I forget stuff, my memory is as small as a mosquito’s. It’s just- You asked me to be patient with you, I ask the same of you. I really don’t want what we have to go away.”

“You’re right, I’ll be patient.” Olivia started laughing. “O God, I’m so dramatic. I’m sorry.” Viola looked thoughtful at Olivia.

“No, you’re not. It’s a good thing you want to talk about things that bother you. I admire you for that. You don’t avoid things. Compared to me, I just push everything down and laugh it awa- I shouldn’t be talking to you about this.” Olivia brushed a strand of Viola’s hair behind her ear.

“This is _exactly_ what you should talk about with me.” Olivia moved closer to Viola until their legs brushed each other. “What kind of stuff are you pushing down?” Olivia said softly. Viola glanced at Olivia, her green eyes filled with warmth now.

“Right now, I’m pushing down the urge to kiss you,” she smirked, her eyes twinkled with amusement.

“Oh how charming you are,” Olivia mocked. Viola let herself fall when Olivia nudged her teasingly.

“Help! Please!” She pleaded, reaching her hand to the school for help. “My girlfriend has aggression issues!” Olivia went to stand over her, she bent forward, towering over Viola. Her face hovering inches from Viola’s.

“Scream all you want, no one can hear you. It’s just you and me…” She tried to sound threatening but broke character.

“Well it _is_ just you and me,” Viola said pushing herself up on her elbows, closing the small distance between them. Viola’s hot breath brushed against Olivia’s lips when she spoke. Olivia cupped Viola’s chin in her hands and slightly tilted it back.

“It is _indeed_ just you and me darling,” she said focusing on Viola’s lips. She let the tension between them build. She noticed Viola staring at her lips. They locked their eyes and Viola was looking at her with a look she couldn’t place just yet.

“…kiss me..,” Viola said nearly audible. Olivia leaned in to kiss her, their lips just brushed together before Olivia shot up and got away from Viola. She’d seen something move in the corner of her eye, and she was right, a small group of students were walking towards the soccer field.

“Wh-What’s goin-?” Viola stammered. She sat up straight and looked over her shoulder and saw the group approaching. “O yeah, I get it. Good thing you saw that.” She said softly. The moment was definitely gone and Olivia could hear the disappointment in Viola’s voice. Olivia sat next to Viola and gently squeezed her knee.

“I’m sorry, I-”

“Don’t worry about it.” Viola smiled painfully, she placed her hand on Olivia’s and looked in front of her. When the group reached the field, Viola placed Olivia’s hand on her own knee. They sat in silence while the giggling girl group passed. They were talking about their French classes and how they didn’t understand a word the teacher said.

“Well je pense que we’ll ‘ave to finish zis moment laterrr,” she said with the fakest French accent when the small group had passed.

“Cela semble vraiment intéressant, quand voulez-vous faire cela?” Olivia chuckled. Viola’s chin dropped and it seemed like she forgot to blink.

“I didn't understand a word that just came out of your mouth, but it sounded _really_ sexy.”

“It does sound fancy in some sort of way,” Olivia admitted.

“Yes indeed, the way you rolled your ‘r’.”

“Well it’s not that hard. Say the letter ‘K’ and then remember the spot in your throat where you make the sound and you try to say an R.”

“Like this?” she said, while making some weird noises.

“It’s starting to sound like it- wait no, now it sounds like you're coughing up a fur ball.” At that comment they broke out in laughter.

“So…what do you think about Cesario’s tonight?” Viola asked, once she pulled herself together.

“I can’t, I’m going home tonight.”

“O well, second date at your place,” she chuckled, “I’m fine with that, just thought you wanted to take things slow…”

“Ha-ha, my mom wants me to be home so we can put on some facemasks.” Viola knitted her eyebrows together.

“You know,” she said doing the grace face pose, “Beautiful skin requires commitment, not a miracle.” She put on her pageant smile and winked. Olivia was pleased with Viola’s chortle that followed next.

“Oh boy,” she chuckled, “maybe we can meet up before the ball?”

“Well, that’ll be difficult too…,” Olivia apologized, “My mom has planned a whole day in the wellness center.”

“I see…, so I’ll see you at the ball then?”

“Yes indeed, tomorrow night. So it’s not like we’re apart for _that_ long.”

“Yeah you’re right, it’s just… I don’t know.”

“Just tell me,” Olivia reassured. She grabbed Viola’s hand traced it with her thumb.

“We won’t be together like we are now…”

“I know. Just saying, I’ve decided to not bring a date.” Olivia informed. 

“I won’t either, guess you overthought things again?”

“Yeah I think so to.” Olivia studied Viola’s face while Viola was just staring in her eyes. She averted her eyes to the school, the staring made her a bit uneasy.

“We should head back, I’m starving.” Olivia didn’t wait for a response, she stood up and started towards the school. She heard Viola slap herself in the face and tell herself to get a grip.

“Hey wait up!”


	4. Maybe...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Guess it’s therapytime,” she sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter I changed the POV, it's Viola's now.

On the ride home Viola found herself looking out of the window, passing houses of other people, lives of other people. Viola couldn’t imagine herself living in a house of her own, with her own family, with her own life and her own routine. She still had time to figure that stuff out though. First she needed to graduate and then go to college, all those small steps towards the future. Viola realized that wasn’t even the future yet, all those steps led to the future. When was she really going to live? Maybe she would never, it’d be sad though. When she’s old and retired she’d sit on her chair -which no one else was allowed to use- and she’d stare outside the window that looked out on the street and she’d try to remember memories that were getting harder and harder to find, and she’d be overthinking things she did or regretting things she didn’t do. Well she definitely had a bright future ahead of her.

She didn’t want to say anything but luckily her mother just talked to her. Not really _with_ her, she was rambling about the preparations for the ball, how she missed Viola during school weeks and how Viola should call her mother more often. Viola let her do the talking and occasionally encouraged her by repeating some stuff, humming or chuckling whenever she heard her mother laugh. 

“I wonder how things are between Sebastian and that Lennox girl.” _That’s_ what pulled Viola back in her car seat.

“Mom, why do you even care?”

“Well I heard she’s a debutante, you know her – What was her name again? Elizabeth?”

“Olivia, mom - Olivia Lennox.”

“That’s what I said, Olivia Lennox.”

“Yeah right.”

“She’s a pretty girl, and very elegant.”

“You’re damn right she is…” Viola blurted out, “I mean, yeah she kinda is pretty.” She corrected herself. Her mother kept talking, it felt as if she wasn’t listening but Viola didn’t care that much. She’d rather listen -or pretend to- then blurt something out again. Damnit why didn’t she have a filter, why couldn’t she think before she spoke.

“Speaking of the debutante ball, have you found someone to escort you?”

“Nope, I’m going stag mom.”

“Oh dear, I’m sorry.” Daphne placed a comforting hand on Viola’s arm. It felt comforting, Viola was not sure what she should be comforted about. For a moment she forgot how controlling her mom was and it felt like normal mother-daughter-moment. 

“You shouldn’t have dumped Justin, such a lovely young lad.”

“O god, mom… not this again.” And there it was, the moment was ruined. How come they were so different.

“What? It’s just … It’s such a shame, why did you even dump him?”

“Just leave it already. Look, I don’t mind going alone,” Viola reassured.

“It’s just such too bad-”

“I’m not even the only one, Olivia is also going alone,” she said in self defense. Why was she even defending herself? Normally Viola didn’t care what her mother thought. She did care, but most of the time she didn’t take it in account.

“That lovely girl? How come a pretty girl like her doesn’t have a date? That’s just too bad.”

“She _could_ have had a date if she wasn’t being difficult, I do understand though…,” she mumbled more to herself then telling her mother.

“What was that dear? You’re mumbling again.”

“She could have had a date, but decided it was better not to,” Viola explained, “The debutante ball is about presenting yourself right? She wanted to present herself as a strong, independent woman.”

“Oh wow, she’s smart too. I like her already. Tomorrow I’ll try to set her up with Sebastian again.”

“Wh- Mom no, just leave her alone. She’s not even interested in Sebastian.”

“What makes you think that?” Daphne questioned. Her eyebrows were knitted together and she rapidly took her eyes of the road to glance at Viola. She was still waiting for a response.

“Do you know her that well?” her mother pursued.

“Well yes,” Viola glanced outside to hide her face, “We became close… friends last week.” She could feel her cheeks flood with heat. Just the thought of Olivia actually liking Viola in the same way was overwhelming for her.

“Isn’t that lovely, I’m happy you made friends in your first ‘real’ school week. Definitely after that whole charade at the game.”

“Thanks mom, that’s _really_ sweet.” Viola sighed. The conversation was followed by a comfortable silence. Viola felt her mother think but didn’t pay much attention to it.

“Maybe…,” She said carefully, “You could put in a nice word for your brother?”

“Oh my god MOM, just leave it already!”

* * *

Viola didn’t really feel like dressing up for the ball, but her mom had found some dresses she had to try on. She noticed none of the dresses had ruffles and it warmed her heart. Even though Viola still wasn’t up for wearing a dress, she was glad her mother took her _strict no-ruffles-policy_ in account. The dresses looked like weddingdresses, she didn’t see any difference.

“Mom, aren’t these dresses supposed to be white?” Viola asked, pinch-grabbing a salmon pink dress.

“Well yeah, but I thought these would suite you as well. They are soo beautiful! Come on Viola, try one!” Daphne looked enthousiast because Viola hadn’t really said ‘no’ to the whole dress thing.

“I think this one would suite you best. O wait, try this one first,” Viola’s mother kept talking, holding dresses in the air and squinting her eyes. Imagining how Viola would look wearing the dress. Viola hadn’t anything better to do so she took the dress and went to her room to change.

The dress wasn’t as bad as she thought, not bad at all. She liked how the dress accented her curves, though it felt a bit unconfortable. It was beautifully simple. She wasn’t used to wearing something that felt so revealing. Well, at the ball she’d also wear elbow-high gloves so that will help covering up the sexy parts of her arms.

“Viola! Are you ready? Come show me!” Daphne cried from downstairs.

“I’ll be down in a minute!” Viola took one last glance in the mirror and started to the staircase. She found her mom at the end of the staircase, she was covering her mouth with her hands.

“Viola, you look lovely! I never thought I’d see you in a dress like that, you should wear one more often!”

“Awe thanks mom, I actually really like thi-“

“But it’s to basic, come try another one,” Daphne interrupted.

“That’s why I like it so much,” Viola mumbled to herself, her mother had already picked another dress for Viola to try. This dress was the opposite of basic. Though there were no ruffles, there were a whole bunch of other extra’s. It was a strapless gown with patterns sewn on with silver pearls on the upper body. The bottom wasn’t ‘basic’ either, it was so wide Viola wondered if she would fit through the door. It was also decorated silver pearls sewn on as flowers. The fabric was elegantly folded around the hips, but to Viola it didn’t look elegant. It looked messy and heavy.

“Go on,” her mother encouraged, “Go try it on, I love it so much.”

“Mom, do you really think I would wear a gown like this?”

“Viola, woman up and try the gown,” Daphne said stern.

“All right then,” Viola sighed, turning on her heel and dragging her feet back to her room. She entered her room and started undressing, cursing the designers of the dress. _Crap, how am I even supposed to put on the dress._ After a while she figured it out and glanced in the mirror. Nope, nope, nope. This was _NOT_ the gown she was going to wear. It was awful. Her mother wasn’t as patient as with the previous dress. She barged into Viola’s room.

“O Viola,” she gasped, “It’s perfect, it’s so beautiful!”

“Mom no, it’s awful. I’m gonna stick with the previous dress. Thi- Will I even fit throught the door?!”

“Well obviously you will, it’s designed to be _perfect_ and to fit through a door.”

“It’s designed to be emberassed…”

_DRIIINGG!!!_

“Thank god, saved by the bell,” Viola whispered to herself.

“Viola stay here, I’ll answer the door,” Daphne exasperated. At least someone was having a good time. Viola heard the door open but couldn’t understand a thing that was being said.

“VIOLA, come down here!”

“Wha- I can’t! I’m dressed like one of Cinderella’s fucking stepsisters!” Viola protested.

“O Vi, how I would _love_ to see that my darling!” That voice. Viola sprinted to the stairwell, preventing herself from tripping by lifting the gown. There he was, standing at the beginning of the staircase.

“Paul, what are you doing here?” She owed him, he just saved her from god-knows-how-long trying on dresses.

“Of course you forgot,” he chuckled, “You wanted to talk about something, I guess.”

“Ow yeah sure,” Viola assured unconvincingly. “Mom I’m really sorry we have to interupt this _lovely_ mother-and-daughter-time but you heard the man. It sounded important.”

“Awe, that’s too bad indeed,” her mother pouted, “We’ll have a busy day tomorrow.”

“Mom, I’m gonna wear the first dress. It’s perfect for me.”

“We’ll see-”

“No we won’t, I _will_ wear that one.” Viola uttered.

“Yes we’ll s-“

“No mom.”

“Allright allright, have fun you two,” Daphne sighed, leaving Paul and Viola in the stairwell.

“Come on up Paul.” Viola went into her room as soon as she heard Pauls footsteps on the staircase.

“How are things going?” She asked from the bathroom in her room.

“They’re going, what did you want to talk about?”

“Almost ready, hold on.” She left her bathroom in her usual at-home-outfit. Her sweatpants and an oversized hoodie she once stole from her brother. She went to sit next to Paul on her bed.

“How are things going with you? Since the game… Things must’ve been pretty different right?”

“Well yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“I’m kinda seeing someone now…” She felt her blood rush to her cheeks.

“Oooo, please do continue,” his eyes lit up with excitement.

“Allright, at first I was really confused, but now chips are falling in the right places. I still have to be careful what I say and do ‘cause we decided to keep it a secret for now. And it’s very delicate the thing we have so I can’t ruin that by being my messed up self. Even though I’ve made it more fragile with what happened this morn-”

“Who is it?” Paul interrupted.

“Excuse me?” She got lost in her rambling. She didn’t even know if what she said, made sense.

“Who are you seeing, you’re starting to throw irrelevant stuff at me.”

“Ow yeah, I’m sorry. I’m- It’s Olivia.” She was amazed and proud of herself for telling straight away.

“Olivia, Olivia…” he tried to remember where he heard the name before, “You mean the girl that fell in love with you when you were Sebastian?!”

“Yes, that’s the one,” she said proudly.

“Well, she’s definitly an upgrade from Justin.”

“She certainly is- Wait you’re not surprised?”

“I have to admit it’s kind of a plot twist for me, a nice one though.”

“So you knew I would fall for her- a female?”

“Yeah, we -the gays- have a gay radar…” _Bullshit._

“Yeah right.”

“Now tell me what’s bothering you?”Paul gave her time and space for her to tell what she had to get of her chest. She laid down on her bed, glancing at the ceiling. Trying to find what she needed to talk about and why. She thought that her being together with Olivia was all she had to talk about.

“Guess it’s therapytime,” she sighed. “I think I really screwed up this morning. I really hurt Olivia. I made her feel like I wasn’t interested in her, in what’s important for her. I forgot we met up this morning. We were going to jog together and I didn’t show up.” Paul looked at her attentive, for Viola it felt like he was trying to catch the words she hadn’t spoken yet. He didn’t say anything so Viola took the liberty to continue.

“I’m angry, frustrated- no disappointed in myself. I don’t want to hurt Olivia, definitly not in making her feel unwanted. Believe me, I really want to be with her, even though I can barely get a few words of of my lips. I don’t even know why I can’t say anything, I feel at ease with her but she makes my heart race. And despite that- she gives me the feeling she understands. I just-I want to understand her inner core. I want to have these inside jokes with her, I want to share moments with only her. Memories with only her, secrets only we know of.”

“But?” Paul encouraged.

“But, I don’t know how to show her without being me-myself.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Like I just said, I can’t talk -and when I do I don’t think before I do so-, I forget a lot, I’m not elegant- at all, on the contrary- I’m-”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“If you let me fini-“

“The way I see it, that’s what she likes about you…. And,” he said raising his hand, preventing Viola from speaking. “And, you’ll find a way to show her that you really do care, she’ll have to find out for herself what your _lovelanguage_ is.”

“Damn, you’re right.”

“So tell me what went on this week, a lot must’ve happened!”

Viola started telling from where she started to fall for Olivia. It felt so good to talk about it with someone, it made the whole deal more real. While Viola was talking she felt a certainty she hadn’t felt before. She now realised that she really wanted things with Olivia to work out and she knew how she could make Olivia notice. Viola could feel that Olivia was good for her, she’d make Viola be her best self and her true self. That last one was important to Viola, she was hurt in the past and she shut herself off with humor and laughing everything away. When she was with Olivia she felt naked, as if Olivia knew what Viola _really_ was like, as if she had the best idea of what was going on inside Viola’s mind. It’s weird but it really feels like that, she acts the right way and she says the right things… for now. Viola was curious about the habits were going to be annoying from Olivia, if there even were any. Well, they’d complete eachother in that way because Viola couldn’t count her own annoying habits on one hand. But that’s the thing right? It’s easier to name those things about yourself then things you think are good things, in this case habits.

Damn, it’d be so much easier if she could just say what she thought. Not the kind where you blurt things out, but the things that are worth thinking over. It’s way easier to think then to talk. Viola was living proof of that, now with Paul it was easy to do. He was understanding, he understood that Viola had difficulties with putting her thoughts in words. He had given her the advice to write stuff down, but she hadn’t found the time to do so yet. So the thoughts just kept spinning in her head.

Would Olivia have trouble talking about her thoughts? Well Viola knew she’d find out sooner or later. For now it seemed like she didn’t find it _that_ difficult.

Sometimes Viola wished she could read minds. Just to sneak a peak when Viola herself had trouble talking, so she’d know what to say or what to do. But other times she was glad she couldn’t. She could barely handle her own, let alone those of the people in her surroundings. And now she thought about it, it wouldn’t even be fun. She wouldn’t get the chance to get to know people like they wanted Viola to get to know them. That says it all doesn’t it? But why did she keep thinking about it? It would be _so_ much easier to have a button to stop the thinking.

Maybe … Olivia could be the one that puts her mind at ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the end of this chapter isn't too chaotic ... although thoughts are chaotic eventually...


	5. Well shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Come on you practiced this, it’s not that hard. Go on stage, do your curtsy, walk the catwalk-thingy and go to your assigned seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV: Viola

“Oh isn’t this lovely dear?” Daphne asked Viola, as the beautician filed her nails. Daphne’s face was coated with green moisturizing ointments, her eyes were covered with cucumbers and her hair was put up in pink towel. Viola just wanted to get a manicure because she was certain she’d fall asleep, and she didn’t really like not knowing what was going on around her. The beautician who gave Viola her manicure, seemed a few years older then her. She wore an apron, embroidered with a lotus flower and beneath it _Be-you-tique -_ the name of the salon _._ The pun made Viola appreciate the place even more. Viola studied the girl and noticed how her nose curled up ever so slightly when she was focusing on pushing back her nail beds.

She was cute but not as cute as Olivia. Viola noticed how she looked different at girls, now that she had a girlfriend, and now she told someone about her sexuality. She felt more confident about what she thought about them and she didn’t feel a tingle anymore when the beautician grabbed her hands. Before it always felt intimate and she felt uncomfortable getting a manicure. Which was strange because she held hands a lot with Kia and Yvonne. She guessed it must’ve been because it didn’t feel the same, it wasn’t like the beautician wanted to woo her or anything, it just felt different.

“Are you nervous?” Madison asked, Viola read her name from her nametag.

“Yeah, just a bit,” Viola admitted.

“Is this your first manicure?”

“No no- it’s- Tonight is the debutante ball and-.. well,”

“Ow you’re a debutante, wouldn’t have guessed. Your nails are really…”

“Yeah I know, I’m a soccer player. With all the trainings and stuff, I don’t really find time to get a manicure as much as I’d like.”

“I get it, what team do you play for?”

“Illyria,”

“Hmm haven’t heard of it yet.” It was silent for a while, Madison was probably making all sorts of associations in her mind, or is that not how every brain works?

“So for tonight,” Madison was massaging some oil in Viola’s fingers, and looked her in the eye with a smirk, “What makes you nervous? Is it your date?”

“Not quite, th-“

“What date?” Daphne interrupted, “Dear, she’s going _stag_. Such a shame, she had a wonderful boyfriend b-“

“Mom, not now please.” Viola shot a look at her mom. Viola could feel Madison’s eyes on her so she averted her eyes to her hands. She felt her cheeks fill with heat.

“So if I’m guessing,” Madison nearly whispered, “the person you’re nervous for, already goes, because that person isn’t your date…”

“It-,” Viola didn’t know why she would tell her, but it kind of seemed right, “It’s someone who already goes, indeed.”

“So an escort of a fellow-debutante?”

“No it’s not like tha-” Madison’s head shot op, looking at Viola with wide eyes. A twinkle appeared in her eyes.

“Is it… a debutante?” she mouthed, which Viola appreciated since her mom was still a few feet away from them. She couldn’t stop the heat raising in her cheeks.

“O so it is, interesting.”

Viola looked at her mom who was getting ready to go to another room to get her hair done. Viola wondered how things could change so much between them. She remembers when she could crawl into her mother’s bed and talk about school and problems. Maybe that’s because Viola could tolerate her mother more easily. It should be the other way around, Viola should know her mother and just let her be herself without being annoyed. Puberty, right? Maybe someday things will change again, but for now Viola will have to keep her mouth shut for a bit more.

Olivia and Viola hadn’t talked about coming out yet, but Viola had her own kinda coming-out fantasy. Not really a fantasy, Viola already figured out what would ease the process a bit more though. She knew she wanted Olivia by her side when she did, and they both would talk with Daphne. But of course, it’d be best if Olivia told her parents first, Viola thought they’re the toughest to tell it to.

“I’ll see you in a bit, pick a nice color will you?” Daphne left the room to get her hair done in an other one, walking funny on her heels and her arms in an angle so they wouldn’t touch her torso, and her head up so… Well Viola didn’t know why, there were no cucumbers left on her eyes.

“So,” Madison sighed, “The debutante, does she know you like her?”

“Yes, yes she knows, we’re a thing now. It’s still a secret though.” A crease appeared between Madison’s eyebrows. Her eyes still down and focused on Viola’s hands. Maybe that’s what it was easy talking to her, the eye contact is unnecessary.

“Well it’s because it’s all new and we want to take our time getting closer and feeling comfortable with each other,” Viola added, an attempt to make the matter more clear.

“Hm I see, still...”

“Still what?” Viola urged, suddenly feeling insecure.

“I think the phase your in now is a wonderful thing I guess. But aren’t you afraid it’ll be ruined once everyone knows? Don’t you like the secrecy?”

“Wh- No- well yeah I like it _now,_ but we’re not planning on keeping it secret for long… It’s just till we got things figured out and stuff..”

“Yeah I believe, I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Well you failed.”

* * *

Pfft what does Madison know about Olivia and her. Madison couldn’t possibly know the chemistry that’s going on between them. Viola still kept the thought in her hind head though. That’s a thought to think about later, right now let’s mentally prepare for the debutante ball. 

Daphne and Viola were on their way to a small bistro. Daphne wanted to treat her for being a debutante and so on. Viola was glad her mom still appreciated the small lunches. You’d expect she would love to go to a fancy restaurant but no, a small bistro. She knew the owners and she actually really likes the food. So much, she doesn’t change anything about it when she orders at the place. In other restaurants she’d ask for fat and gluten free food. This part exactly, she liked most about her mom.

 _Prepare yourself mentally, focus._ Viola had to make sure to look _normally_ at Olivia, she couldn’t stare, she would have to watch from a distance. O damn, she also has to go on stage alone, not like she’s not used of having all eyes on her, but still. In a white dress and she’d have to walk elegantly. At least try to do that. Olivia wouldn’t be in the room yet, since the names will be called out alphabetically. Being the first of them has its perks. She could stare at Olivia, just like the audience would do. Well it’s not going to be the same kind of staring, she hoped.

It still pained her that she wouldn’t be able to be with Olivia the way she wanted to be. She was sure Olivia felt the same way. Viola was sure Olivia would be better at putting up a mask though. She’s used to being polite and always smile. Her mother made sure to raise a proper lady. She must be under such pressure now. Her mom is really focused on the appearance of their family. Daphne is also focused on that but mostly because she doesn’t really has anything else to worry about. Or does Viola really not know her mom at all?

* * *

“My dear caterpillars, you still have 30 minutes left to get ready!” Cheryl’s voice towered over the murmur of all the other debutantes putting on dresses and putting on makeup. Now and then the murmur was interrupted by an excited squeal from debutantes greeting each other.

Viola was still glued to her table, looking in the mirror and trying her best to apply her eyeliner. It was inconvenient to get close to the mirror with the dress. She was struggling to put on her eyeliner, she’d already poked her eye twice. Once done with her makeup she was pleased, she also didn’t want to redo it. It looked natural but still refined and she liked the way she looked. The only thing left to do was her hair. Damnit, she forgot to search for references. There was no one in her dressing room she knew. Olivia's place was provided in another dressing room, which sucked. Her mom was nowhere to be seen, she’d been trailing Cheryl and Viola didn’t know what for.

Viola grabbed her phone and texted Paul, he was here somewhere. Probably helping other debutantes, but now he had to come see her. He didn’t respond, of course he didn’t. He must be so busy right now. Ah heck, she decided to try on her own. Viola pulled her hair back and positioned it in different ways to look what she’d want and how she’d do it. Then she felt hands brushing some remaining strands back. It send a tingle in to her spine.

“Need some help with that?” Viola recognized the voice and dared to look into her mirror and was now looking straight into Olivia’s eyes. She shot up and turned around, grabbing Olivia’s hands and spreading them so she could see the dress.

“WOW, Olivia you look stunning.” Viola gasped. She wore a beautiful white strapless gown. Fitted perfectly around her curves. She was wearing high heels so she was the same height. She also put some basic makeup but it looked amazing. The wonders of makeup. Her beautiful blue eyes demanded to be drowned in. And Viola did.

“Viola, stop looking. Let’s do your hair.” Olivia blushed and made Viola turn to the mirror and sit back down. But Viola couldn’t keep her eyes away from her face and stared in awe. Until Olivia smacked her on the head.

“Auwtsh, what was that for?” In an instant she was pulled back to the earth and out of the haze she then realized she was in.

“Stop looking,” she whispered.

“You’re right sorry.” Olivia grabbed the hair brush and started brushing Viola’s hair. When she gently grabbed some lost strands, she brushed her fingertips against Viola’s neck. It made her hairs in her neck stand up. Olivia then went to grab some bobby pins from the table in front of them, and leaned over Viola. It drove Viola crazy. She smelled like apples and fresh air. Viola glanced sideways and dared herself to look at Olivia’s lips. The lip gloss made them pop and made them beg to be kissed. Viola averted her eyes instantly as she felt her soar away from her seat.

Olivia had found some bobby pins and shoved them gently into Viola’s hair. She was very focused on what she was doing and Viola took the opportunity to study Olivia a bit more. She loved how her a crease ever so slightly appeared between her eyebrows, or how she bit her bottom lip softly and squinted her eyes when she took a step back to look at Viola’s hair from a different perspective.

Damn how could a girl like her fall for Viola? She was so lucky.

“Auw, that really hurts,” another slap. Olivia caught her staring before Viola could catch herself.

“Oh woman up will you,” she chuckled, “I told you not to look at me that way.”

“I’m really trying you know,” Viola answered softly. It felt like a secret conversation between the murmur of other debutantes. “You really do look stunning.” She saw the heat in Olivia’s cheeks rise. It was so cute.

And another slap.

“You can’t hit me every time I make you blush woman.”

“I can and I probably will.”

“Aggressive and abusive, damn what did I get myself into.” Viola teased, and was rewarded with a playful push against her back.

“All done.” Viola had forgotten to pay attention to her hair. All her attention was aimed to Olivia’s hands and touches.

“Olivia this is great, it looks exactly like-“

“Like you,” Daphne interrupted, “You look beautiful dear, right on time. Well done Olivia.”

“Thanks Miss Hastings.” A radiating, yet fake- which Viola was convinced only she noticed- smile appeared on Olivia’s face, her pageant manners had kicked in. Probably a nervous tic.

“Now tell me,” Daphne looked into Viola’s eyes through the mirror. Viola send a message in telepathy, shooting a look at her. _Don’t you dare!_ But Daphne did anyway.

“Tell me, you met my son Sebastian right?”

“Yes I have, what about him?”

“How come you two haven’t been on a proper date yet?” Olivia instantly went bright red, but Daphne didn’t pay attention to it and continued. “You know, I’ve heard you don’t have an escort for the ball, my son is here. Maybe he could-“

“Ha-ha mom. Leave her be. Can’t you see you’re making her uncomfortable?”

“O dear,” Daphne apologized, “I didn’t mean to startle you. He’s a nice lad, you should talk to him later then.”

“Alright mom, now I think you lost Cheryl somewhere,” Viola’s attempt to make her mother leave.

“Yes it seems I did. I’ll see you later Viola.” When Daphne left, Viola stood up and grabbed Viola’s wrists. She didn’t look into Viola’s eyes and Viola started to worry. But then she started laughing.

“O boy, your mom does _not_ have boundaries.”

“I know I know, I’m really sorry.” Viola chuckled relieved. “She likes you, she already tried to persuade me to set you and my knucklehead brother up for a date.”

“She does like me huh? That’ll ease the matter a bit when we tell her.” That last part was more a whisper, but it still startled Viola.

“I do- I wouldn’t- Now?” Viola stammered. She didn’t get what Olivia was trying to say.

“NO, God no. It’s just- haven’t you thought about how to tell- you know?”

“Of course I have, but let that be a topic for later.” She said quickly.

“Vi! There you are.” Saved by her brother.

“Wow Viola! Seems like dressed like a woman this time.” Sebastian chuckled.

“Ha-ha, those two weeks, I was more man then you would ever be.”

“Yeah right, let’s see you grow a peni-”

“Hello,” Olivia interrupted awkward, trying to change subject.

“Ow hi, Olivia, right?” Sebastian shook Olivia’s hand, trying to be smooth. Viola saw her brother often enough with Monique to notice his moves.

“Olivia Lennox, yes.”

“My mother has been trying to get me to ask you out on a date. Are you interested though?”

“I know she’s been trying, and thanks for the offer, but no thanks.” Olivia glanced at Viola and Viola had to look away to hide her smile. Just the feeling that Olivia really was hers, and she was Olivia’s, made her warm and tingly inside.

“Oh too bad. I think we’d be great together though. But hey, at least I got that kiss to remember you by.” He winked and turned around.

Once again Olivia turned bright red. Like she’d forgotten about the kiss.

“Why didn’t you slap him, he made you blush. Right now…,” Viola said squinting her eyes, “I think I’d be able to compare you to tomato.” Viola joked.

“Maybe I should hit you more in the head since you’re all family. One taking all the hits should suffice, wouldn’t it?”

“Hm, clever girl,” Viola smirked. Viola thought it was sexy when Olivia was sassy. She was quick to come with a comeback, which still surprised Viola.

“My dear caterpillars time to turn into butterflies!” Cheryl was walking in the hallway connecting all the dressing rooms announcing we only got 5 minutes left. And was followed with excited squeals from other debutantes. Olivia let out a gasp and grab Viola’s wrist shaking them excitingly.

“Finally, I’m so excited.”

“Yeah me too..” Viola said indifferent.

“Ow come on, your mom is going to be so proud and happy!”

“LINE UP LADIES!” Cheryl’s voice interrupted. At which Olivia let out a final squeal and left to get in line. Surrounded by other excited debutantes complimenting her. Viola started to the beginning of the line and walk to where her place was.

Everyone went quiet once they heard Cheryl’s voice through the boxes, announcing the 38th debutante ball. The silence was interrupted with some whispering and giggling.

“And now we present our debutantes of this years ball.” It sounded muffled but still audible. There were five other girls in front of Viola. She balled her sweaty fists and breathed slowly. Why was she so stressed? Ow yeah, because she’s a clutz and the possibility of falling was huge. _Come on you practiced this, it’s not that hard. Go on stage, do your curtsy, walk the catwalk-thingy and go to your assigned seat._ Then she felt a warmth spreading her body. Olivia somehow walked up to her and had taken hold of her disgustingly sweaty hand to squeeze it.

“It will be fine Viola,” She nearly whispered. Viola didn’t respond, she just looked at her in awe. With the faint lighting only coming from stage she looked more perfect then ever. It looked like she was shining.

“Viola Hastings.” At that Olivia let go of Viola’s hand and she had to pull herself from the haze she was in. _My turn, let’s do this._

Viola walked up the stairs to the stage without tripping. _Yessss._ She walked over to Cheryl, who smiled at her and it comforted Viola. She was greeting with applause from the audience. She spotted her mom at the first table clapping proudly. Was she blinking away a tear? Viola did her curtsy. Not to low but still elegant. When she rose again, she was -once again- rewarded with applaud. She walk down the _catwalk_ and descended the stairs to her assigned seat. She felt some her mom giving her a reassuring arm shake when she passed. It was nice. Viola actually felt proud and pleased with herself. She went to her seat at her table and the next name was called. Viola didn’t remember how many debutantes were between her and Olivia. She wasn’t really paying attention, just applauding with the crowd and nodding at the comments of a woman at her table.

“Olivia Lennox.” Olivia was greeted with a tad louder applause, Viola gladly joined and catcalled her enthusiastically. A faint blush crept up Olivia’s face, which she could hide with her curtsy. As she walked over to her assigned seat, she took one last glance at Viola and sat down. They were lucky. The tables were round and they the seating was arranged perfectly. They could look at each other and they did. In the faint light and through some hairdos and the some candles their eyes meet. It felt like for a moment it was only them. No one was paying attention to them since the next name was already called. Olivia was smiling, really smiling. It warmed Viola to the core. There were only 3 debutantes left and Cheryl was giving another short speech about how wonderful we all were and some other nonsense. The waiters walked around to fill our glasses. They were dressed elegantly in penguin-suits, well Viola didn’t know the name but it reminded her of penguins. She peeked another glance at Olivia and was greeted with a wink.

Viola signaled with her head to the bathroom sign. She saw Olivia understood because she glanced to the bathroom and gave an approval nod. Olivia stood up and went to the bathroom. Viola was held up by the waiter filling her glass. She kindly waited until all glasses on the table were filled and started towards the bathroom.

She opened the door and was startled when she felt two hands grab her shoulder, and to be pushed against the door.

“God you looked so sexy,” Olivia whispered, followed with a kiss.

“Hmpff, wait,” Viola pushed her back a bit, “we shouldn’t- not here..” Olivia looked ashamed and turned pale.

“I’m sorry I thought-”

“Let’s get out of here.” Viola blurted out, “We did our part, or at least we did what our parents wanted us to do, let’s get out and do what we want to do.” A smile beamed from Olivia’s face and her eyes sparkled.

“Let’s go then.” Viola grabbed Olivia’s hand and dragged her to the dressing rooms. No one paid attention to them and she was so happy at this very moment. It felt like two days ago, dragging Olivia to the storage room. _We’ll have to text our parents later._ She noted to herself.

They both changed in their own dressing room and Viola was first to be ready, she already called a cab and was now waiting for Olivia.

“My God you look stunning,” Viola joked once Olivia left her room. She had freed her hair from the tight bum and her hair was now accentuating the contours of her face. Her blonde hair seemed to shine in the lighting and her blue eyes sparkled with glee.

“You don’t look so bad yourself hun, where are we going and how do we get there?” Viola took a step closer and noticed Olivia was a smaller now she wasn’t wearing her high heels. She loved it.

“Well,” she said, walking to her slowly, “I already called a cab, and I was thinking maybe we could go to Cesario’s to have our first proper date.”

“Hm that _does_ sound pretty great,” Olivia admitted wrapping her arms around Viola’s neck and Olivia’s lips brushed hesitantly against Viola’s. Viola smiled, pulled Olivia closer and their lips met.

“Vi? What the heck?!” _Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm sorry it took so long. I think that was writer's block?  
> Merry Christmas to you all!!


	6. [insert suitable title]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I like where this is going.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short chapter for you guys.   
> "Started making it. Had a breakdown. Bon appétit."

“Vi? What the heck?!” Olivia immediately pulled away from Viola. She rubbed her bottom lip, which Viola had bitten in. Olivia couldn’t recognize the voice until she saw him. Sebastian. What was he even doing in the hallway of the dressing rooms? Olivia glanced at Viola’s face and took a step back to give Viola the room to talk to her brother. Viola was frozen still and she looked so pale. Viola looked Olivia dead in the eyes but Olivia couldn’t read what was going on in her mind.

“Hi Sebastian” Olivia stammered. She broke the silence, she wanted to leave the awkwardness that had filled the hallway. In the faint light she could see he didn’t look _that_ shocked. Viola still hadn’t turned to face her brother yet, she probably was mentally preparing herself for the worst.

“Hi Olivia,” he grinned focusing his eyes on Viola’s back, “What did I hear, are you guys leaving?” Er, out of the blue… did he not notice them kissing just a second ago? Olivia saw Viola coming back to her senses as she slowly turned around, face bright red as she dared to look her brother in the eye.

“Yup, yes, correct.” Olivia just stood there, awaiting the next sentences of the conversation. This is going fairly difficult.

“Can I come? I _really_ need to leave this place! Mom is making me talk to all the debutantes and Monique is a pain-in-the-ass. That’s actually why I came here, to hide.” The last part he mumbled as if he _did_ notice he interrupted the moment she and Viola just shared. Olivia was taken aback by the question and simply nodded as Viola voiced Olivia’s thoughts.

“Er, yeah sure.”

“Great,” he smiled, “Let me just grab my things.” He left for the ballroom and Viola and Olivia stood there, just watching him leave.

“What the-, wh-?”

“I have no idea,” Olivia chuckled, “Did he not notice or does he not care?”

“It’s so weird, he must’ve been standing there long enough to have heard everything.”

“I just hope he doesn’t tell anyone.”

“Why would he though? He’s not someone who’d do that-”

“Do what?” he interrupted. Damn that boy is fast, and quiet, like a ninja.

“Back already?” Olivia said.

“Well if you want me to go so you can talk about me some more, just say the word and I’ll be going,” he joked.

“The cab’s going to be here soon, we better go outside.” Viola informed them. This all felt so weird to Olivia, it felt so surreal. Did or did he not saw them kissing? Was he going to keep his mouth shut? What the-

“Shoot, my jacket’s still in the dressing room.” Olivia whispered to Viola as she started towards her dressing room. The movement felt good, it put her feet back on the ground. When she returned she heard the twins mumbling and she realized how they talked in similar ways, that’s the only thing they resembled.

“Ready,” Olivia interrupted, “ _Or should I leave again so you can talk about me some more?_ ” She was rewarded with an appreciative chuckle from Sebastian.

“I like her,” he whispered to Viola as he elbowed her and passed Olivia to go outside. Even though it was a bit dark in the hallway she could see a smirk appear as she walked towards Olivia.

“Let’s go,” she said as she grabbed Olivia’s hand while passing. Seems like Viola told her brother and everything was fine now.

“Is he going to join us for Cesario’s?”

“He better not, this is _our_ night.”

Olivia had to admit it felt relieving to hang out with someone who knows about them. They could act the way they wanted to and not really care what others could think. Like at that moment, they just held hands when they were with Sebastian. It was a beginning but it made Olivia feel like Viola was proud to be with her. It made her feel like Viola could talk with her brother but never let Olivia feel like she wasn’t wanted.

“You should text your mother later,” Viola said matter-of-factly, “So she wouldn’t be worried to much, you know?” _Yes I know._ All of the sudden Olivia felt bad for leaving. But Viola was right, this was something Olivia wanted to do and she wouldn’t let her mom stop her. This was just one _small_ date, in the future she’d have to do the same. Just doing what she wants to do and what she likes without her needing her mother’s permission. According to Olivia, that’s one of the many ways for her to be truly happy. 

“Yes, I was about to do so.”

“Don’t overthink it to much, let’s enjoy this evening.” Viola squeezed her hand and let go to wave at the cab who was just arriving.

When they had settled down in the car, her mind took her back to a memory with her and her mom. Olivia was a lot younger and they were walking in some forest somewhere. They were holding hands and her mom squeezed it softly, she told Olivia that when someone does that, it means they love you. During the walk they’d squeeze each others hand playfully.

“So how long has _this_ been going on?” Sebastian gestured between Viola and me, once we’d settled in the cab and told him our destination. Their driver was a man in his early 40’s. He wasn’t polite, but he wasn’t mean either. He just came to do his job and he didn’t seem like the type to eavesdrop. That must’ve been why Sebastian asked so bluntly.

Sebastian had settled on the right backseat, Viola in the middle and Olivia on the left. She could feel Viola’s warmth as their thighs were pressed together and the small backseat.

“It’s still new…,” Olivia knew to voice. She was uncertain about the amount of details she was allowed to mention.

“Yeah, it’s official since Wednesday.”

“Official huh? You hooked up before?”

“No, no I- We didn’t.” Viola stammered. She stared straight out the front window. Though it was dark in the car Olivia could see the slightest blush on Viola’s face. Or maybe that’s because Olivia knows how Viola responds on certain matters.

“Well no, I still had things to figure out and- well we still need to figure stuff out, but at least we can go through this together.” Olivia hated how cliché that sounded. _Just crash the car please._ But instead she felt the warmth of Viola’s reassuring hand on her knee.

“Yes, so we’d appreciate it you not telling anyone about us.”

“You have my word, this is rather exciting you know? I’m imagining how mom would react! It’ll be fantastic. Please invite me to the announcement.”

“Gee thanks a lot..” Viola sighed.

“It actually explains why you play soccer though.”

“And what do you mean with that? Can’t a girl play soccer without being gay?”

“Well obviously not!”

And so the bickering began, so Olivia decided to filter out the unnecessary _huge_ amount of information out. She let her mind wonder to what Sebastian had told Viola. The whole coming out to her mom. How would that go. The whole image her mom created would be shattered and would she even talk to Olivia after that? She hated society. In her spare time Olivia had found a bit of time to do some research on how society accepts -or in this case _not_ accept – LGBTQ relations. It scared her even more. Yes she was with Viola and that helped a lot, but what in the future? How would it effect applying for college or for a job? Would she be disadvantaged? And what if they’d want to settle down and buy a house together, would their relationship cause any trouble?

She caught herself spiraling again and didn’t want to be stuck in her mind for the rest of the evening. She put her head in her hand and stared outside. Focusing on the music and the things she passed. She liked how the branches of the trees broke the streetlights into smaller pieces, she liked the rhythm of the streetlights lighting up the cab, she liked how she could focus her mind to one specific thing on her body - Viola’s hand. When she focused on that. It warmed her whole body and made the spot ,Viola’s hand touched, tingle. She recognized it and knew the tingle wouldn’t go away for at least another half an hour.

“What is going on in that pretty mind of yours?” Viola’s voice interrupted her thoughts. She hadn’t noticed she’d been lost in her own thoughts again. She now realized she wasn’t that good at talking. In her previous relationships she only confirmed what her boyfriends thought or said. She always felt like she was just another item in a glass cabinet. Just a show-object. She’d never really _learned_ to talk about what she thought. It wasn’t always bad though.

“I don’t know just stuff, what are you thinking about?”

Sebastian had already left. Soon after they arrived at Cesario’s he’d gotten a text from one of his friends and left immediately. Olivia was glad though, now it really was a proper first date for Viola and her.

“I guess it’s not a significant as yours, but I think I’d like to have this barbecue pizza. It looks good, I want to try it.” 

“Hm it does look very good, I’m gonna stick with my regular though. A pepperoni pizza.”

“O no, you have regulars? Jeez, what did I get myself into?”

“ Wh- o come on. I _try_ things.”

“Alright, I challenge you to try something right now, pick something different.”

“I’m not mentally prepared for this. I will try something new next time.” Viola’s smile beamed from her face. Guess she liked the thought of a _next time._

“Yes, try something new next time.” She said looking at Olivia like she was the most beautiful person in the room and Olivia locked her eyes with Viola’s. Returning the same smile of warmth and gratitude.

“So what _I_ was thinking about was, coming out.” Olivia was the first to break eye contact. She averted her eyes and focused on the menu in front of her. Viola didn’t respond immediately and Olivia dared to glance up. The smile gleaned from her face and she looked serious now.

“Yeah I’ve been thinking about it too, a lot.” It feels stupid because they’ve only been together for like 4 days and it goes rather quick. But Olivia could feel this was it for both of them. It’s all or nothing, this wasn’t a _phase_ or something Olivia would just go through with and then suddenly like boys again. Olivia could finally start to figure out who she really was.

“I just don’t want to wait to long, you know?” Viola’s eyes widened and her eyes filled with concern. “Wh-wait no, I mean- I know for _me_ this isn’t a phase or some experiment I’m doing. I know now that this is who I am. I’m a…” Olivia hesitated. She’d never admitted it out loud before. “I’m a lesbian,” she whispered.

“I’m glad you are,” Viola chuckled, “Or this would’ve been awfully awkward.” Olivia shot her a look. _Can’t she read the room? Can’t she see I mean this shit?_

“I mean- come on I was just jo- alright, my mistake.” Viola apologized, when she noticed Olivia glaring at her. She placed her hand reassuringly her hand on Olivia’s. “Look I know what you mean, and I feel the same way but- don’t you think we should just wait a bit longer? I mean until we got _this,”_ Viola gestured between her and Olivia, “ _Completely_ figured out…”

“You’re probably right,” Olivia admitted, even though she wanted to _shout from the rooftops_ that Viola was hers. This could wait indeed, until they were comfortable with each other. Until the touches of Viola would stop tingling so much, but Olivia wasn’t sure if that could ever stop.

“But,” Viola added, looking at their hands. Was that a blush? “I like where this is going.” Olivia felt a smile spread on her face. _Me too._ But she knew she didn’t need to say that out loud.

**Author's Note:**

> I watched this movie and loved the chemistry between Viola and Olivia. It's such a shame they didn't do anything with it... So I started searching for fanfics and stumbled upon some great ones but it wasn't exactly what I wanted. So I tried to write my own.  
> Please have mercy, it's my first time I wrote anything like this...


End file.
